I hate furniture

Seriously. Furniture is such a massive pain in the ass thing.
It ain't like the sims, where you pick a piece from a menu and plop it in where you want it. Oh sure, I pretended that's how it was. I measured the spot in my bedroom where the computer desk/library was going to go. I even took into account wire space and freedom of movement around the area.
It's gonna be awesome.
Then I went to buy it. I had a lot of choices of where. I'm partial to Office Depot for some reason. Can't even tell you why; I bought one of my earliest desks there and I've been a fan ever since. It's cheap shit, sure, but it just needs to get me through like 2 years. (I figure within 2 years I should either be paying a mortage or have a cohesive argument on why I'm not, not just a patchwork of BS excuses. That's ok up until now, but c'mon, I'm thirty. That's old.)
Anyway. Office Depot. But they've changed their delivery policy. It used to be next day service, now it's 3-5 business days but you get to schedule it within a few hours, not a "some time tomorrow" sort of window. I don't know how it's working out for them, but it ain't my style. I need next day service. I'll be a prisoner in my home.

As a blinding flash of the obvious - I should purchase a car big enough to haul this sort of thing. Good idea for the next time I'm 30.

So Office Max was elected because of their next day service.
I go to their website, look through the menus (hey, just like in The Sims!) and pick the piece of furniture. I enter in a credit card number on the weirdly named site I get redirected to, then enter it again in the OfficeMax page. Seriously, they should fix that stuff, it's redundant.

So voila! A new desk/library in my bedroom!
Nope. This ain't the Sims.
It's either prohibitively expensive and high quality (say, Ethan Allen) or it's cheap cheap cheap and you're putting it together. You may be using Elmer's Glue.
The names Sauder, or O'Sullivan may spring to mind.
If you're anything like me, your hand clenches in a sympathy grip. Sort of a VietNam flashback, to the last bookcase you put together.
The one where Part A and B's stickers had fallen off, and you took an extra 15 minutes trying to figure out from the photo which one is right.
Then getting it wrong entirely, putting the whole gorram thing together, and realizing the finish was sticking out on the wrong rucking end (so the top shelf has a nice wood, with an inked in "C" right in the middle), and you have to take the whole gorram thing apart again to flip the top rucking shelf.
Some projects just shouldn't involve marijuana.
I did the same thing in college with my loft that me and my buddy Chris K put together. He had some kind bud. We smoked up, then planned out the most bitchin' loft off-campus. It was sweet. We put it together, and made sure there was enough room under it to house my (Sauder) desk, and my halogen lamp. Brilliant idea, right? Halogen lamp directly underneath a wooden loft?
Fortunately, my stupidity protected me from burning alive. See, we never accounted for how much space I'd need while sleeping. After we'd put it together (a famous line from during the process: "we shouldn't use these nails if we want to take it down" "Why would I take it down before next year? No reason. Use nails, it's quicker") we realized we'd left precisely 7 inches of clearance once the mattress was up there. Kate Moss would have trouble sleeping up there.
It's just staring at me, waiting for the punchline.
I'm a bigger man than that. I don't have to do a Kate Moss in my bed joke.

So to recap the action so far:
My furniture was ordered on Office Max and I'm going to have to put it together
but I skewed off into this tangent about college
where I smoked a lot of pot
and built a loft that was unsleepable in. We need to drop it about a foot. And we used nails to put it together, rendering it nearly impossible to take apart.
Ahhh marijuana. Without you, my problem solving skills would be poorly honed, indeed.

What, dear reader, is the solution?
Power saws. Of course. We sawed off a foot from each 4x4.
You bet your ass it was rickety and uncomfortable.
Anyway, back to my apartment right now.
I waited all day for this furniture to come, and now I have 3 boxes sitting in my apartment, taunting me.
It's O'Sullivan. The last attempt at a desk in this apartment was an O'Sullivan product. It was the worst desk I have ever tried to build. On step 28 of 36, they had you do this thing that needed 2 guys and a midget to pull off. Huge torsional forces on this piece of pressboard. Snapped like a fucking twig. Twice. I ordered another piece because the notes told me to. It snapped the exact same way. I'd even enlisted help to try preventing it. No mas.
So I sent it back to Office Depot.
This piece seems to be a little more stable to build; I hope so. The last 2 months have been characterized as a computer on my kitchen table. Rather unflattering, and it makes the place look messy.
Not that it isn't. But it makes it look messier.

I do dread putting it together, though. I'm waiting until around 11 so I can blast music. This early, none of my neighbors would have any love.