Life Threatening Life Styles
A hit-man, a nun, lovers. . . .
Once again I'm in the air. This laptop is absolute horseshit; I was connected all day long to a battery, then unplugged to go to the airport. By the time I opened it up (2 hours later) it was down to 50% battery. Ree dick you russ. Whatever. 39 minutes left; long enough to charge my iPod I suppose, and maybe pull off a reasonable post here. Not enough time for article one for the New Project. Since there's no readers here I can basically spill the beans on the New Project:
The Colbert Report Report.
I love the show. It's a spot-on satire of O'Reilly, and Stephen's voice was already cultivated and developed on the Daily Show. He's smoothing out a few bumps, to be sure, but for the most part it's a fantastic show.
But as I was watching it one day, I was struck by lightning. What he needs is a dissenting voice!
And thus the Colbert Report Report was born. After all, there's a MoveOn.org and Michael Moore to counteract the vitriol spewed by Limbaugh and O'Reilly. The funny part, of course, is Moore and MoveOn inevitably degrade into similar methodologies utilized by the Right. They're cruel parodies of each other.
So why not do to them what Colbert is doing to the Right?
Plus it's a really fun project. Watch the Colbert Report every night (which I already do) and then spew vitriol at him. The tough part is his liberal leanings seep through in The Word and a few other segments, so it's going to be tough to actively maintain that "blind spot" that a liberal rag would need to maintain while attacking this Conservative Egomaniac. Ahem. Slipping into character there, apologies.
The part I'm most excited about, frankly, is lampooning the left. See, I'm a liberal. I'm fiscally conservative, but definitely socially liberal. The conservative viewpoint is simply cruel in many ways. Not to say that the liberals aren't flawed; it's just flaws I'm more able to grasp.
So this is going to be a very interesting writing exercise; essentially the devil's advocate of a cause I believe in, AND making it funny.
Thankfully, Colbert will assist in its ease. The more he stays with wacky topics (BEARS!) the easier it is to lambast him without getting too down on the liberals.
Of course, there is the horrifying idea that I'll attract conservatives to the site and build a Drudge-like following. I have a plan B for that, which is similar to the whole UFO-cult mass suicide thing that those Heaven's Gate wackaloons did.
I'll share with you the one idea everyone's shot down because, well, it's basically libel.
Naturally, as I begin attacking Colbert I'm going to want to back it up with "facts". One of the first articles ("The Ts are silent - what else is he hiding?") was going to be a series of horrifyingly inaccurate personal attacks, all citing fictitious articles in the New York Times written by Jason Blair. In fact, I was hoping to use it as a fantastic ongoing joke. . . whenever I need a "fact" just make it up and attribute it to Blair. But all these armchair lawyers I know keep telling me I'll get mauled by the NY Times if the site reaches any sort of audience.
Damn them.
I'm not sure who I'm wishing damnation upon. I just know somebody should pay, and dearly.
Anyway. I'm planinng to keep the site "on message" and not have any articles that would indicate the site is a satire. Or that I'm actually a lib. So when I need to vent about ongoing articles I'll do it here; it'll be a one way link however. Those who know about THIS (or have found me through my writing on other sites such as Askmen.com or slashdot.org) will be "in the know". Don't you guys feel special?
So. Look for the site in about 3 weeks or so; I'm hoping we can keep a pretty strong level of humor on it, and we grow a following. We shall see.
Other stuff - the travel is really beginning to seep in and corrode my life. I've grown to hate it over the last 5 years. The travel's bad enough, but I'm getting the feeling that the company I work for is, in the words of a famous space marine eaten by Aliens, a "chicken shit outfit".
When the only word that can describe coworkers is "incompetent" and the growing discontent of a client that I can do little to appease.... it simply sucks. Couple it with an HR department that COMPLETELY FORGOTTEN to send me any forms during open enrollment, and an expense department that has rejected every single report I've submitted thus far, and you have a formula for one discontent motherfucker.
But the job search . . . . ugh. It's so similar to dating it's ridiculous. I know it's pseudo-hackery to say it as Seinfeld had the whole job interview bit. But fuck him, he left so much meat on the bone a couple of dogs choked to death.
I don't think it's any surprise that HR departments are almost always staffed by beautiful women. There's two conflicting theories I suppose; the dirty old men in charge of hiring will naturally hire hotties into their own department, or the savvy HR directors want people who are callously indifferent to rejecting poor schmucks on any sort of superficial basis.
And to carry the analogy further - the online job market is precisely like online dating. Sure, you don't post a picture. And you can't be all witty to catch someone's eye. The buzzwords are different, but it's the same thing - get noticed amongst a throng of desperate, needy people.
And you get deluged with lies. . . on dating sites it's propositions from Russian "women" and various other tricky enticements to give up a real email address, which is promptly deluged by massive amounts of porn spam and Viagra/Cialis/c1al1s/penis pumps/you name it ads.
Same thing on dating sites but instead of the promise of pussy, it's the promise of a well-paying job in something that is rewarding. That may or may not exist, but the email from a "potential employer" that asks you to fill out another job application at another site isn't leading you closer to it. It's probably just going to get you deluged by massive amounts of porn spam and Viagra/Cialis/c1al1s/penis pumps/you name it ads.
So it's basically the same thing:
Come up with witty intro/cover letter, send dating profile/resume, get rejected by pretty girl who has no idea what you're all about and simply doesn't "get" you. It's the worst in IT because HR doesn't have a clue about technology, so they don't understand the needs. And they're the gatekeepers. There's no dating analogy that would be appropriate. Maybe if your mom set up a profile for you, then rejected all the ladies interested in golden showers because "her little boy couldn't be into that", meanwhile your AIM name is YellowSprinkler33. (because there were 32 others. . . sick huh)
And here's the most fitting parallel - if you're successful in your search you're probably going to get fucked.
Speaking of that - Fuck That Job is a pretty funny site. Sadly funny. It's all sorts of ridiculous job postings on various sites.
Once again I'm in the air. This laptop is absolute horseshit; I was connected all day long to a battery, then unplugged to go to the airport. By the time I opened it up (2 hours later) it was down to 50% battery. Ree dick you russ. Whatever. 39 minutes left; long enough to charge my iPod I suppose, and maybe pull off a reasonable post here. Not enough time for article one for the New Project. Since there's no readers here I can basically spill the beans on the New Project:
The Colbert Report Report.
I love the show. It's a spot-on satire of O'Reilly, and Stephen's voice was already cultivated and developed on the Daily Show. He's smoothing out a few bumps, to be sure, but for the most part it's a fantastic show.
But as I was watching it one day, I was struck by lightning. What he needs is a dissenting voice!
And thus the Colbert Report Report was born. After all, there's a MoveOn.org and Michael Moore to counteract the vitriol spewed by Limbaugh and O'Reilly. The funny part, of course, is Moore and MoveOn inevitably degrade into similar methodologies utilized by the Right. They're cruel parodies of each other.
So why not do to them what Colbert is doing to the Right?
Plus it's a really fun project. Watch the Colbert Report every night (which I already do) and then spew vitriol at him. The tough part is his liberal leanings seep through in The Word and a few other segments, so it's going to be tough to actively maintain that "blind spot" that a liberal rag would need to maintain while attacking this Conservative Egomaniac. Ahem. Slipping into character there, apologies.
The part I'm most excited about, frankly, is lampooning the left. See, I'm a liberal. I'm fiscally conservative, but definitely socially liberal. The conservative viewpoint is simply cruel in many ways. Not to say that the liberals aren't flawed; it's just flaws I'm more able to grasp.
So this is going to be a very interesting writing exercise; essentially the devil's advocate of a cause I believe in, AND making it funny.
Thankfully, Colbert will assist in its ease. The more he stays with wacky topics (BEARS!) the easier it is to lambast him without getting too down on the liberals.
Of course, there is the horrifying idea that I'll attract conservatives to the site and build a Drudge-like following. I have a plan B for that, which is similar to the whole UFO-cult mass suicide thing that those Heaven's Gate wackaloons did.
I'll share with you the one idea everyone's shot down because, well, it's basically libel.
Naturally, as I begin attacking Colbert I'm going to want to back it up with "facts". One of the first articles ("The Ts are silent - what else is he hiding?") was going to be a series of horrifyingly inaccurate personal attacks, all citing fictitious articles in the New York Times written by Jason Blair. In fact, I was hoping to use it as a fantastic ongoing joke. . . whenever I need a "fact" just make it up and attribute it to Blair. But all these armchair lawyers I know keep telling me I'll get mauled by the NY Times if the site reaches any sort of audience.
Damn them.
I'm not sure who I'm wishing damnation upon. I just know somebody should pay, and dearly.
Anyway. I'm planinng to keep the site "on message" and not have any articles that would indicate the site is a satire. Or that I'm actually a lib. So when I need to vent about ongoing articles I'll do it here; it'll be a one way link however. Those who know about THIS (or have found me through my writing on other sites such as Askmen.com or slashdot.org) will be "in the know". Don't you guys feel special?
So. Look for the site in about 3 weeks or so; I'm hoping we can keep a pretty strong level of humor on it, and we grow a following. We shall see.
Other stuff - the travel is really beginning to seep in and corrode my life. I've grown to hate it over the last 5 years. The travel's bad enough, but I'm getting the feeling that the company I work for is, in the words of a famous space marine eaten by Aliens, a "chicken shit outfit".
When the only word that can describe coworkers is "incompetent" and the growing discontent of a client that I can do little to appease.... it simply sucks. Couple it with an HR department that COMPLETELY FORGOTTEN to send me any forms during open enrollment, and an expense department that has rejected every single report I've submitted thus far, and you have a formula for one discontent motherfucker.
But the job search . . . . ugh. It's so similar to dating it's ridiculous. I know it's pseudo-hackery to say it as Seinfeld had the whole job interview bit. But fuck him, he left so much meat on the bone a couple of dogs choked to death.
I don't think it's any surprise that HR departments are almost always staffed by beautiful women. There's two conflicting theories I suppose; the dirty old men in charge of hiring will naturally hire hotties into their own department, or the savvy HR directors want people who are callously indifferent to rejecting poor schmucks on any sort of superficial basis.
And to carry the analogy further - the online job market is precisely like online dating. Sure, you don't post a picture. And you can't be all witty to catch someone's eye. The buzzwords are different, but it's the same thing - get noticed amongst a throng of desperate, needy people.
And you get deluged with lies. . . on dating sites it's propositions from Russian "women" and various other tricky enticements to give up a real email address, which is promptly deluged by massive amounts of porn spam and Viagra/Cialis/c1al1s/penis pumps/you name it ads.
Same thing on dating sites but instead of the promise of pussy, it's the promise of a well-paying job in something that is rewarding. That may or may not exist, but the email from a "potential employer" that asks you to fill out another job application at another site isn't leading you closer to it. It's probably just going to get you deluged by massive amounts of porn spam and Viagra/Cialis/c1al1s/penis pumps/you name it ads.
So it's basically the same thing:
Come up with witty intro/cover letter, send dating profile/resume, get rejected by pretty girl who has no idea what you're all about and simply doesn't "get" you. It's the worst in IT because HR doesn't have a clue about technology, so they don't understand the needs. And they're the gatekeepers. There's no dating analogy that would be appropriate. Maybe if your mom set up a profile for you, then rejected all the ladies interested in golden showers because "her little boy couldn't be into that", meanwhile your AIM name is YellowSprinkler33. (because there were 32 others. . . sick huh)
And here's the most fitting parallel - if you're successful in your search you're probably going to get fucked.
Speaking of that - Fuck That Job is a pretty funny site. Sadly funny. It's all sorts of ridiculous job postings on various sites.
posted by DancesWithWinnebagos at 9:10 AM
3 Comments:
I liked your analogy re: job searching is like internet dating. LOL good stuff.
it's always Dilbert's world; incompetent coworkers and the HR b*tch... I hate my job too, but I wonder if I'm not hating job-hunting even more; or am I just lazy to stay there???
Thanks guys.
It's hell, and I can understand wondering why you're not doing more about it; you have to pass a pain threshold where staying is worse than looking.
And HR sets that pain threshold pretty durn high ;)
I get violently angry when I read job postings.
What pisses me off more is the half-assed HR recruiters who skim my resume and fire me off something that is NOWHERE NEAR my skillset. I've had ppl contact me about data entry positions in an Oracle system because they saw "Oracle" on my resume and thought I might like to work for $8 an hour.
Fuckers.
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